Hush now, quiet now
by mpdperson
Summary: Whispers have always plagued Fluttershy's mind. Whispers about death, cruelty and suffering; and how she played a part in it all. After all Nature was rarely kind to the weak and sick. As the weak and sick fed those that weren't. Besides the predators needed to eat too. She was just being kind to them, right? She wasn't being deliberately cruel. But whispers don't stay whispers.
1. Lullaby

"Hush now, quiet now,

It's time to lay your sleepy head,

Hush now, quiet now,

It's time to go to bed,"

The sweet song drifted on the wind. Quiet and on a sweet honeyed voice. The lullaby pleasant to hear. Yet... Yet something was off...

"Hush now. Quiet now.

It's time to lay a sleepy head.

Hush now. Quiet now.

It is time to go to bed."

The room was dark and damp. A soft squelch came from the figure in the middle of the room. It's shape clearly a pegasus, with long hair covering and hiding the pegasus from view. In the dim light of the moon the soft yellow fur and the pink mane was barely visible from the dark.

"Drift, drift, off to sleep,

Leave your life behind you.

Drift. Drift. Off to sleep.

Let the joy of death find you."

The sharp tang of copper hung in the air even as the figure rocked back and forth cradling a bundle in its fore-hooves. Obviously a foal right.. Right? I mean sure it's an oddly lumpy foal... But it can't be... It's just a lullaby from mother to child...

"Hush now. Quiet now.

Time to lay dead,

I said hush now. quiet now.

Time to lay dead."


	2. Incident

It all started at the gala. A tiny little worm of doubt eating away at Fluttershy's heart. Why hadn't she been able to reach those animals? Why had they run from her? Those small things niggled and writhed in her psyche bubbling up now and then. However, Fluttershy was good at pushing it down and not letting it show. After all she was the Element of Kindness, wasn't she?

_"Well except for that one time Discord got to you,"_ her traitorous subconscious whispered into her mind.

"No," Fluttershy whispered firmly, "that wasn't me."

She lightly kicked at the ground. _"Except that time you were mad with power thanks to Iron Will,"_ again her traitorous psyche whispered to her.

Fluttershy shook her head softly banishing thoughts of rage, of cruelty, and of sadness. She went about feeding her animals one by one. Sure she was used to nature where prey died so that predators may live. Life and death was a primary part of nature, in fact it was a necessity. That didn't mean she liked thinking about it, nor in her own small way contributing to the cycle. She was just trying to be kind to the otters, she wasn't being cruel to Mr. Fish. After all he had a nasty case of scale rot, it was kinder to not let him suffer... Right?

Right.

But that's what bothered her, and sent all these whispers, thoughts, and feelings to bubble up into her mind. What was kind? Was it kind to let someone suffer on the chance they could recover, however slim it was? While doing your best to ease their burden. Or was it better to end it quickly and painlessly? Who's need of a bit of kindness outweighed the other?

Fluttershy paused in her work, and quietly berated herself. These thoughts weren't helpful, and hindered her ability to help all her wonderful animal friends. She was the Element of Kindness, the caretaker of the sick and injured animals, and the director of the Ponyville Pet Center. She had no time for thoughts that troubled her only slightly... Yes, only slightly. In fact they were such silly thoughts. That's why she wouldn't bother her friends with them. They'd just say she was over thinking things, and that being kind was enough.

"Right, back to work," Fluttershy mumbled to herself.

It was there and then that fate and the world decided to make those thoughts become far more prominent in her mind for the coming weeks. Because at that moment huffing and puffing came Spike.

"Fluttershy! Come quick!" he puffed.

"Eep!" went little Fluttershy, jumping up and startled at the sudden entrance.

Spike gasped for breath, "Twilight is sick!"

"Oh no!" Fluttershy gasped and held a hoof over her mouth. She quickly finished her current task and swept Spike up onto her back and rushed off towards the hospital.

Once there she found everyone gathered around a resting Twilight. While the doctor and Celestia talked quietly in the corner.

"How is she?" Fluttershy questioned the Princess.

Celestia sighed, "She's not doing well, they had to sedate her since she was in such great pain. Apparently there is a tumor in Twilight's brain, it's pressing on her horn gland. It's why she has such great power, but apparently it came at a high cost."

The girls gasped quietly while Spike muttered, "I should have known. She was always complaining about headaches, and always drinking soothing tea... Why? Why didn't I know!?" He cried out.

Rarity shushed him, "It's not your fault Spikey-Wikey, you couldn't have known... You aren't a doctor dear."

"But, but! We've read all these medical books!" Spike half shouted and half sobbed out as he clutched Rarity tight.

"H-How long?" Applejack uttered, though she praised honesty this one instance she wasn't sure she could handle it.

"We're not sure," the doctor answered softly, "She's doing well enough now, but the tumor has putting incredible strain on her. I'm surprised she did so well considering. I'd advise a surgery to remove the tumor but... It's so close to her horn, we might have to remove it. Meaning she'd be... Magicless. The other treatment is chemotherapy, where we would flood her body with chemicals to shrink the tumor. This would ensure it'd be easier to remove and less likely for a need to remove her horn. But there will be side effects: loss of appetite, fur and mane loss, weakness, brittle bones, and numerous other issues. I need a decision, which treatment do you want to go forward with? Time is of the essence."


	3. Thoughts

Everything faded into the background for Fluttershy, she couldn't really focus on anything other then Twilight laying there. She was so still. While it was true that Twilight wasn't really all that active of a pony, she was never truly still. At least that's what Fluttershy thought, she was always thinking, reading, and studying. She felt almost compelled to place a book of some sort near Twilight's head just so it looked like she fell asleep studying again. Except, for the tubes and wires all around.

Fluttershy nuzzled her friend softly hoping and wishing she would be better. An inexplicable thought popped into her head, "Was Twilight suffering?"

Fluttershy hoped not, that'd be just... awful. She never liked watching ponies or animals suffering. She cared for her friends and animal companions dearly. That's why she did her best to take care of them as best she could, _"And when you can't you kill them don't you?"_ her traitorous mind whispered.

Fluttershy gasped out loud and burst into tears and ran off, not hearing the concerned cries of her friends. She couldn't be here anymore, she needed to get away. "Twilight will be okay, she has to be!" Fluttershy softly chanted to herself as she ran off.

She never really liked hospitals, they often made her thoughts even worse then normal. Mostly because she just didn't know enough about how to care for ponies, other then helping with colds and helping with chores. Animals were easier at times; because, they weren't ponies. Sure they had feelings and were alive, but it just wasn't the same. Truthfully because there was a small distance between her and the animals she cared for. It was harder for her mind to picture herself in their predicament. Not that it didn't, honestly that was why she was often afraid and nervous. Because she knew; knew what happened to the creatures large and small in nature... They invariably died.

There she had thought it. She slumped down to the ground, crying softly. "Twilight can't die," she muttered softly.

It was awhile before Rainbow Dash found her and comforted her. The words really didn't register in her mind, she was just numb. She couldn't stop thinking about death, suffering, and what she could do to stop it. But in her heart of hearts she knew, she just couldn't stop it. Sometimes all you could do was end the pain quickly, so they could rest. _"Yes, so they could sleep. It was so peaceful when they sleep wasn't it?"_ Fluttershy didn't really notice the small whisper in her mind as she held Rainbow Dash tight.


	4. Change

The past few days had passed by in a blur for Fluttershy, she didn't really know what happened. But Twilight was bald now and had gauze around her head. Fluttershy had honestly gone through her days in a daze, habits and routine being the only reason her animals were doing fine. However for herself, she honestly wasn't. She spent all her time at the hospital watching Twilight. She was joined often with Spike, as Spike spent all his time there worrying over Twilight. Sometimes they were joined by her other friends.

But, everyone couldn't spend all their time here in the hospital. Dash had her weather work and just couldn't sit still; unable to do anything, Dash wanted to do something... Anything to help. Which lead her often being in the Library searching for some mystical cure or artifact that could help, even if it was an "egghead" thing to do. But Dash wanted to do something, and not... Not feel useless.

Applejack had the farm and her family to care for, not that she didn't make time to see Twilight, but more often then not the farm and her family took her time and concentration. Though she did lend quiet support to both Spike and Fluttershy when she could. She provided food and honest words to Spike and Fluttershy. Often saying something along the lines of, "Getting through this." Fluttershy's mind noticed she didn't say everything would be better...

Rarity had her sister to care for, as well as the shop. Though she had confessed to Fluttershy in a quiet moment she was only working to both to occupy her mind and ensure Spike had gems so he would eat. As Spike had lost most of his appetite and would only eat when cajoled by gems. More often then not Rarity was the only reason Spike was even caring for himself at this point.

Pinkie, honestly Fluttershy wasn't all that sure what was up with Pinkie. She'd either be frantically planning a "Get well soon Twilight" party, or moping about how sick Twilight was. The rapid bouncing of Pinkie's mood made Fluttershy a bit nauseous. Hopefully once Twilight was better Pinkie would stay cheerful. _"If Twilight gets better,"_ Fluttershy ardently ignored the whispers.

As for Spike, Fluttershy was worried for him. His eyes were sunken and red, he was either lethargic or pleading with a silent sleeping Twilight. Fluttershy thought that Spike had lost some of his gleam in his scale, and maybe he was shedding more often. Fluttershy wasn't sure if it was from seeing his mother/elder sister in such state, or his poor health due to focusing on Twilight's. Fluttershy did her best to comfort both Spike and do what she could for Twilight. More then often then not, this meant holding a crying Spike; or fluffing Twilight's pillow seeing as she couldn't really do anything else. _"You're so worthless, you can't even help your friend. Some Element of Kindness you are!"_ her mind whispered.

The whispers were getting worse now. She couldn't quiet them. They were coming more frequently now too. The more she watched Twilight the louder they got. _"She's suffering, end her!"_

At least Fluttershy had gotten better about not reacting to them. She'd found herself becoming more and more numb to them. She hoped that meant she was making progress with her worries and fears. Honestly they didn't bother her as nearly as they once did. Because, because they weren't right... It was, it's just her nerves. Nothing was wrong, Twilight would recover... After all she was sleeping soundly, right? _"Sleep is so peaceful, Twilight shouldn't wake up. She'll just suffer and hurt again. Especially now that she has no magic. After all what is a unicorn without her magic?"_

The whispers were wrong... Weren't they? Twilight had her friends... Friendship was magic, their friendship would solve this. Just, just like it solved everything else. _"Friendship won't bring back her horn."_

Fluttershy whimpered softly, it was always like this. The whispers made her cringe, shiver and fear. It was only her friends that had helped her quiet them. But with all her friends either focusing on Twilight, or actually being Twilight and therefore sick, it was harder to silence those traitorous vile thoughts. Everything was going to be fine. It had to be. _"Or I'll make it be,"_ for once the whisper wasn't a whisper anymore, now it was a voice.


	5. Mercy

Fluttershy had been watching Spike for a while now. He seemed to be getting worse as time wore on. He had lost his luster, and he seemed faded perhaps even a bit grey. She supposed it made sense in a way. If greed could make him a large monster growing ever so large as the emotion grew. So too would he wither and suffer as his grief and sadness slowly consumed him. Poor Spike. _"He's suffering you should... comfort him."_

For once the voice had a good idea, Spike was clearly suffering. It wasn't like he should be Twilight was fine... She was just... resting. She would wake up soon and be full of health and vigor. It wasn't like she was hurting or anything... Just still.

Yes for now Spike needed her kindness, and if anything she had plenty to spare. She held him tight, perhaps he wasn't getting enough sleep. A baby dragon needed all the rest he could get didn't he? Plus the hospital was a terrible place to rest, with all the light and noise. Plus it'd be hard for Spike to actually get any rest while here. He'd be too distracted by Twilight.

"Come on Spike, let's get you home so you can rest. Twilight will be here in the morning. She'll be fine you'll see." Fluttershy said, hugging Spike and gently nudging him towards the door.

As they walked to the library, Fluttershy couldn't help but take stock of Spike. Now that she was closely examining him the stark difference between how he normally was and now crashed into her mind. Before she had just noticed him being tired and dull. But now, now she noticed how gaunt he was, the fact he was missing a spine, the absence of the protective layer on his scales . Not to mention his eyes. They told the story all too well. She'd seen the look far too many times on some of her animal friends that were so sick that... That they didn't recover. _"He's hurting so bad... You have to help him."_ Again the voice was right.

It was odd, she couldn't remember when the voice had changed. She had been right earlier, she was getting better with her fears and nerves. The voice was also was no longer tormenting her but helping her. Sure it had made mistakes and may have been misguided, but that was in the past. It was still a part of her wasn't it? So it seemed to figure if she got better so too would the voice. Right? Fluttershy nodded to herself, and decided at the very least she'd hear out the voice. She would no longer immediately ignore it. She wouldn't brush it off and ignore it as her fears and nerves talking to her.

After all she wasn't as afraid before. After all she wasn't thinking about it anymore, that meant she was better didn't it? Yep totally not thinking about how Twilight was going to die, or that she had lost all her horn. Twilight would be fine, she was strong and she had friends right? It wasn't like she was relying only on the fact that she was a unicorn, and being the Element of Magic. She still had being the protege to the Princess going for her. It wasn't like the Princess only picked her because she happened to notice her due to her strength in magic. After all friendship was magic... Wasn't it?

Fluttershy shook off the non thoughts that were distracting her. They were silly after all. Everything would be fine. It had to be. _"Oh it will be, we will make sure of it. With a bit of... Kindness,"_ she was glad that the voice was helping now

Spike and Fluttershy entered the Library and trotted up the stairs. Right now Fluttershy had to focus on helping Spike. He needed a bit of kindness right now, and who better to that then her? Fluttershy tucked Spike into his basket, she started to hum quietly then slowly started to sing a soft lullaby.

As she finished she smiled happily as she noticed that Spike had fallen asleep during her lullaby. It was nice that she could help. _"He should rest, as long as he can... You should help him."_

She nodded as she kissed Spike and hugged him, yes she really should help him... rest. He needed his sleep he was a baby dragon after all, and still growing. Growing things needed, rest, love and plenty of food. She and Rarity had managed to coax him to eat some so now to take care of the other two. _"Yes help him rest, after all you don't want him to suffer more do you? He'll just be hurt if he watches Twilight tomorrow."_

Fluttershy pondered that as she watched Spike sleeping. He looked so peaceful, as if all his troubles had been washed away. It would be best if he stayed like that, wouldn't it? Fluttershy could help with that, besides it would be a kindness _now wouldn't it be?_ Fluttershy smiled as she hugged Spike holding him still and helping him sleep. Pouring every bit of love into the squeaze, as she covered him in her embrace. She barely even noticed him pushing at her, he was just _hugging back_ wasn't he? Such a cute and adorable baby dragon. Always embarrassed by the girly stuff, that's why he was squirming, wasn't it? He really shouldn't be moving that much, he should be resting...

There that was better now, wasn't it? Yes, yes it was. He was _better_ now. He wouldn't have to wake up and hurt or suffer anymore.


	6. Da Capo

Fluttershy didn't really know how she had gotten here. The last thing she recalled clearly was tucking in Spike, who was _still resting_. He needed his rest. But now Fluttershy had a problem. The problem? Well it was Twilight. She hadn't woken up yet. The doctors had said something about complications. Possibly even something about underestimations on what exactly the tumor had put pressure on. Apparently while removing the horn and tumor, they'd accidentally put pressure on the surrounding tissue. This had caused some bruising. They were unsure when she would wake up, but she was recovering as far as they could tell. Anything else would have to wait until she awoke. At least that's what Fluttershy understood of what she managed to focus on while the doctors talked.

Fluttershy was familiar with treating animals. She tried to understand it in the way she was used to it. When animals were sick or hurt there were several ways to help. One was medicine to help them fight the sickness, another was closing wounds and ensuring everything healed right. The last was to remove the problem that was causing the pain or sickness, like helping Winona with fleas or the manticore with the thorn. This was kinda like that right? They removed the thorn, the thorn being the tumor. So Twilight should get better now right?

_"What if it's like the splinter that Mr. Beaver had?"_ the voice whispered.

That was a good point! Fluttershy remembered a time she was removing a splinter from Mr. Beaver he gotten while making a dam. At the time she had thought she had gotten all of the splinter out, but Mr. Beaver had come back complaining about pain after the numbing agent had worn off. She had to get Angel to help her by holding a magnifying glass while she carefully used tweezers and needle to get the last itty bit out.

Fluttershy pondered this new revelation to herself. What should she do? Well she couldn't go up to the doctors and tell them that. That'd just be rude. After all it'd be like saying they were wrong and didn't know what they were doing. She couldn't just do that could she?

But what could she do? _"The problem is in Twilight's head, we should remove the thorn,"_ the voice whispered.

Fluttershy couldn't do that... Could she? It wasn't like she could just open up Twilight's head and remove what was hurting her, right? Besides Fluttershy didn't even know what she was looking to remove. _"You know what sick looks like, you've seen it thousands of times before. How different can it be in ponies?"_ the voice offered.

The voice was right. She had seen tons and tons of sick things. She'd seen it in many animals, and what the trouble signs were. It wasn't going to be like with Philomena, after all she'd grown since then. Sure she hadn't really done much with brains before, most animals that had brain injures... "Better not go there Fluttershy," she muttered to herself.

_"You can do it, you're the Element of Kindness. You can heal your friend... You don't want to be useless and watch her die, do you?"_ the voice cajoled and perhaps even encouraged.

Fluttershy shook her head softly. She didn't know the first thing about brain surgery. This, this was out of her league. Maybe... Maybe she just had to wait. Wait a bit longer.

But the voice didn't cease; it cajoled, it pleaded, it encouraged, and it begged. The voice had never begged before. There was an odd incessant need to the voice now. Fluttershy wasn't sure how she felt. The voice was getting louder. Slowly and surely drowning out her own thoughts. But unlike other times it wasn't making her afraid or scared. However, she wasn't sure what exactly she was feeling. Nor was she sure how much time passed, or if she slept, all that mattered was Twilight. Fluttershy felt as if the world was slowly fading away as her vision seemed to narrow on Twilight. _"She needs to wake up, she be fine if she wakes up! All you have to do is help her,"_ the voice pointed out.

"Twilight will be better once she wakes, we just... We just need to remove the thorn, don't we?" Fluttershy uttered hesitantly.

Fluttershy carefully checked her surroundings, good she was alone. She could help the doctors quickly, she wouldn't embarrass them. After all everyone makes mistakes and really she could make Twilight _better_. Fluttershy started humming as she unwrapped the bandages from Twilight's head. Once that was done she carefully studied Twilight's skull. Fluttershy could make out what appeared to be a line that went around the entirety of Twilight's skull as well as screws or a bolt holding it together.

All Fluttershy had to do now was just to find some tools, a quick jaunt and a few distracted medical personnel later she had all she needed. Fluttershy hummed and got to work, it helped to calm and still the animals and herself. She imagined that this was just like helping all her little forest friends. She even thought she felt a breeze on her mane.

"Hush now, quiet now,

It's time to lay your sleepy head,

Hush now, quiet now,

It's time to go to bed,"

The sweet song drifted _on the wind_ and wound it's way in _the forest_. Fluttershy was sure she was holding _Mr. Beaver_. Though he was an odd shade of purple... _"He's sick, you have to remove his thorn,"_ the voice supplied helpfully.

That's right _he_ was terribly sick, and Fluttershy was determined to help her friend. A bit of kindness and love solved everything. Fluttershy smiled as she cut into _Mr. Beaver_, it was such a wide smile filled with love and joy at being helpful and useful to her friends. She didn't need to be afraid or fear, all she had to do was be kind.

"Hush now. Quiet now.

It's time to lay a sleepy head.

Hush now. Quiet now.

It is time to go to bed."

It wasn't working. Why wasn't it working!? She had remove all the _thorns_. "Twilight! You have to wake up!" Fluttershy pleaded,

Funny, why'd she call out for Twilight? It was _obviously Mr. Beaver_, _he_ had a enormous _thorn_ she had to remove from him. She had missed something obviously, that's why Twilight wasn't waking up! A soft squelch came from Twilight's skull as Fluttershy dug and cut at the _thorn_. She just had to help more!

"Drift, drift, off to sleep,

Leave your life behind you.

Drift. Drift. Off to sleep.

Let the joy of death find you."

Was she singing? She didn't remember starting. What was she doing again? Right she was helping Mr. Beaver... Or was it Twilight? The sharp tang of copper hung in the air even as Fluttershy rocked back and forth cradling Twilight's head in her hooves as she worked and cut away the _thorn_.

"Hush now. Quiet now.

Time to lay dead,

I said hush now. quiet now.

Time to lay dead."

She was done, she'd removed the _thorn_! Everything would be better, but poor Twilight. Twilight had bleed a little while Fluttershy had used the _needle_ to remove the _thorn_. Fluttershy kissed the "boo boo" and giggled softly. "It'll be fine Twilight, here let me bandage it for you," Fluttershy said sweetly and lovingly.

Fluttershy so enjoyed helping her friends. She was glad she could be useful and kind. But it seemed Twilight was _tired_and had teared up a little at the pain. Fluttershy was happy to wipe away Twilight's _tears_ and hug her till she was better... In fact this seemed like the perfect time to cuddle and have a nice sleepover with her dear friend. She loved her friends so much, she honestly didn't know what she'd do without them. But that was a silly thought, they'd always be together wouldn't they? After all friendship was magic.

Fluttershy never really heard the scream and panic as she drifted off to sleep clutching Twilight's head closely. She never really understood what happened next, but her friends would always visit her and _Twilight_. Fluttershy just wished they'd smile more, they were friends and loved each other! They were together, they should be happy! _"Maybe you can help them," Twilight_ said. _Twilight_ always knew what to do, _she_ was always helpful!


End file.
